still Your mercy remains

a thousand times I failed,
still Your mercy remains

hi guys! ok it’s about time for me to blog! know that i’m not supposed to be on the internet (sigh you guys, i love you too much how you adore me as well… sigh i have too many fans rofl) but oh well

at my new house right naooo it’s like… super hard to use the internet cos it just moved here and it feels quite slowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww or maybe it’s just me and my mind…

last night i actually felt like i was dying… from a stroke or something cos i had the worst headache in the world and i vomitted and all… it was b-a-d. but i reached a step in life whereby death doesn’t scare me anymore. don’t know if it’s “maturity” or God’s work. I choose to believe it’s God’s work! i prayed to God for Him to take my life as His will. honestly if i were meant to be taken home, nothing and nobody can stop it from happening! God is the controller of it all! this was my thought of the day if you’re interested

gtg study now. i know i can’t but… hahaha

xxooo

dead tired

omg last night’s party was… tiring. I was conned into believing it was shoes off so I wore super high suede shoes (they were never worn before) that was a very very bad choice i soon came to realise sorry cant be bothered capitalising anymoreee …… ah my legs are killing me i woke up this morning without being able to feel them ohhhhhh groan moan this sux hahahaha but i had so much fun and i got to sit down when someone finally mentioned “do you wanna go take a seat” oh that was the most glorious moment of my night (!!!!!!!)

hmm i told myself i had to charge my camera but i didn’t in the end am i suck or what?! so i only took say, 10 pictures? it’s ok i remember posing for quite a lot of pictures especially on tiffeny’s phone camera o unglam face i hope they upload the nicer ones of me and tag me haha i am so forgetful gosh aaahahaha ok so tired my brain’s not functioning right got home at 12.30 ish cos my angry mum rang me up to yell at me oooh got driven home in a merz that was nice hehehehe we were fiddling with the car omg when you open up the top of the car you can stargaze it’s super sweet but i kinda like dan’s red merz convertible better cos it’s red aaaaaaaaaah ok i will stop being so materialistic

i love my life and i love His creations oh gosh staring up into the beautiful nightsky really reminded me of how majestic my Father is! it was such a pretty sight too bad you can’t really take a photo of the night sky… the flash just ruins it all you know what i mean??? hahaha it was pretty i don’t know if i’ll change my mind and actually climb a mountain to watch the stars trust me, it’s the most beauuutiful thing you’ll see, especially when you’re so caught up with your busy life. go star gazing (preferably alone or on a date not in a group ahahah i’ve tried it sux) woohoo

God is still really amazing in my life yesterday He showed me a whole ton of things He’s been convicting me of for a long time and reenforcing them which was sweeeeeeeeet man how much I love Him!!!!!!! the peace and joy in my heart is really irreplacable, it feels like i’ve already met Him or something but i know there are even greater things to come awesome can’t wait for Him to show me more!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And now, just a verrrrrrrrrse:

I urge, then, first of all, that requests, prayers, intercession and thanksgiving be made for everyone— for kings and all those in authority, that we may live peaceful and quiet lives in all godliness and holiness. 2 Timothy 2:1-2

Saved and never forsaken

Hi readers! I know you must be siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiian at my non blogging everyday that’s cos I’ve been pretty busy doing other things… makes me guilty to state them because none of them involve studying hmm let’s see I’ve been to 2 parties last weekend, I’ve gone over to the twin’s house 2 nights ago, I webcamed Abi, Shezzie (cos it was her birthday yesterday hehe), Aaron and talked on msn to a load moreee, went on facebook and changed my status studiously (really shouldn’t do this ergh), ate pizzas (literally about a whole… yummm the fats), danced with my very limited skills and ended up making a fool of myself, ok the list goes on but you get what I mean just trying to recount my days hahaaa

WHOOHOO! I can go to school late today cos it’s double sport for the first 2 periods and seriously, who wouldn’t rather sleep in than do yoga (uh, everyone in my pe class but we’ll just skip that fact for now) yay I just woke up and life feels gr888 cos it’s a friday!!! YAY!!! TGIF! Even though I haven’t gone to school to fight friday yet. Omg can’t wait for friday to be over, but at the same time I wish it would last longer so I could actually study cos guess warrrt I haven’t studied a teeny bit except during lunchtime yesterday. OK FULL ON NERD MODE PLEASE TURN ON!!! (note to self, get off the freaking internet)

I like where I am now but I hope He’ll take me deeper! I am soooo excited to know more and more of Him!!! It’s amazing how much He’s changed me this year. I never really looked back until I talked to Sarah online yesterday (hi sarah hope you’re reading this luv you very much!!!) aaaaaand I went back to my room cos my mum was grunting, looked back on my life past and present, back to my year 7 so cool drinking 99% cordial + 1% alchohol days rofl rofl rofl I’ve changed so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love God for choosing to touch me, for choosing to listen to me, for saving me. Honestly, where would I be without Him, here in my life *mia fieldes singsss*

kkz need to go write my chinese oral nowww
hope you guys have a good day!!!

All the best for exams (L)

yipeeee

Today was super unproductive.
I feel utterly disappointed in myself…

On the brighter note,
God’s presence was so powerful today!
I lived a blessed day in Him!
Yay I love my King!

Have a gr8 day tmr! x

My soul longs for You

Come to the waters, you who thirst and you’ll thirst no more.
Come to the father, you who work and you’ll work no more.
And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed:

Love is here.
Love is now.
Love is pouring from
His hands, from his brows.
Love is near, it satisfies.
Streams of mercy flowing from his side.
Cuz love is here.

Come to the treasure, you who search and you’ll search no more.
Come to the lover you who want and you’ll want no more, no.
And all you who labor in vain and to the broken and shamed

And to the bruised and fallen,
Captives, bound, and broken hearted.

By his stripes he’s paid our ransom
From his wounds we drink salvation

Love is here – Tenth Avenue North

I know my blogging sprees haven’t been that much. Here’s a song I found really apt for the day! I love this band, they write really good Godly songs. I should really fast from secular music these days… Ok maybe not fast, just abstain. Afterall, fasting causes pain. Don’t think I’m so binded to secular music just yet. BUT if I don’t go off it now, I think I’ll be back to 2 years ago. All my effort’ll be down the drain! Nooo I must refrain from worldly pagan (aha Darius) music!!!

I love the Lord, especially in times like this! He’s always showing me the purposes of the happenings in my life. Be it quarrels or abandonment, God has planned it all! And that speaks so strongly to me! He also convicted me of a very big disobedience I had in my life. I love Him so much!!! I cannot express it with words. I love how He uses situations to draw me closer/back to Him. He knows what affects me the most, but ironically, that’s what makes me feel safe hehee

This is the mindset He’s blessed me with last week, and I would like to share it with you guys, just in case you might want to have the same!
It doesn’t matter what happens in your life, whatever shit or crap (yes, you use words like that when you’re frustrated). I know it’s cliche to say that, but that’s not enough for a God centred life. God told me this very thing I will never forget- “Why frustrate over mishappenings in your life when you know they’re brought upon by my will? They’re to shape you, to test you, to help you grow. You shouldn’t focus on the negatives of the situation, however negative. Instead, focus on me, and on what I can bring you through this situation. For this very purpose I made the situation and put you in the centre of it all”

Why does He always look out for me? I feel so undeserving…
Turn your eyes upon Jesus, my friends!!!

xo
Have a gd wk ahead!

burning fervour

Your life woven day by day
is a new design of the glory God displays
on the canvas of creation
Through the poem of history
in the pattern of redemption
running through the tapestry
Your life in Christ can be
the greatest story ever told

The Greatest Story – Avalon

—–

At times when you feel small, you turn to God and realise you’re the just so precious in His eyes. Isn’t it great to have someone constantly there looking out for you, loving you unconditionally? Ever thought of the world unconditionally with care? Sometimes we use words so much we forget to look into their meaning. Without conditions. Looks very simple and straightforward. But what it means is what’ll really hit you hard. Look around you, is there anyone who would love you beyond the statement of conditions, consciously or subconsciously? No, on this earth, we’re all bonded together with a sense of… exchange. Don’t you think? Maybe except your parents, but then again, your parents would expect you to provide them with a roof over their head or to take over their business in their old age wouldn’t they?

Know I haven’t been blogging properly for a while, hope this is quite very proper! Been on my mind a little today hehe guess it wasn’t really feeling small about myself but more of trying to portray others from their own point of view… it really is quite sad, the way some of my friends (and some anonymous beings) live to please and to achieve something that’ll never fully materialise, like beauty or riches. You either pursue blindlessly without satisfaction or you ruin your life with the desires to strive too high. Life is a very sad trial if you have your priorities wrong…

I really love Him! My life has been drastically different, don’t even know how to explain it. God is really working in my life, so so great! I see some of my “targets” softening their hearts without knowing it themselves and my heart just soars in joy!!! God is great!!! This joy in my heart is really irreplaceable and it’s so unfathomable! It’s like I cannot be brought down despite already being brought down. The massive paradox I try to live by – Surrender is the start of living.

Ok I hope this encourages you/reminds you of God’s presence in your life! You’re all very special little beings and I love every single one of you very much! Please keep safe and miss my homies very very much!!!

xoxo
LOTS OF LOVE (L)

pink tiedyes

OK SO MANY THINGS TO UPDATE ON!!!
Let me do point forms, in quite a rush for time hehe

1) Sorry for not blogging I know you were deprived of Estherism. Please please come back from your sea of depression! I promise I’ll blog more this week!

2) School’s been AWESOME! Time really flies

3) Exams are coming up very soon. Say 3 weeks?

4) Need to do more shopping

5) Been to at least one party every week for the past 2 months, very very BAD for my studies (even though mamaaa doesn’t seem to mind anymore yippeee)

6) Miss everyone so much!!!

7) Study hard for O levels/A levels

8 ) Hope you’re all very pleased with your promo results/end of year results/amount of bonus from work ($$$$$$ kachiiing)

9) MELBOURNE CUP HOLIDAYS!!!!

10) I’m moving house soon! Everyone can stay over

 

xoxo
lots of love (for real)

to live, is to die

I have finally learnt the essence of surrender. It’s not just giving whatever is in your comfortable ability to give, whatever you choose to give, it is to give your life as a sacrifice! Soooo, to live, is actually to die to my old self. I cannot hold on to all these crazy worldly characteristics I used to bear… From today onwards, I have to try my best to live with an attitude of surrender to Him!!! Thank God for blessing me with the book

Hope you guys have been doing well this week! Those who need to study please stop using the computer and study! Those who’re working please don’t drain yourself, do the best that you can! Those who’re having fun and partying you guys should just die cos I honestly don’t need to know about your weeknight plans *hides tear* heheee

God bless! x

i wish…

I hope my efforts would be feasible.
I hope I’ll actually stop being so annoying…
Hate how I lack self control so so so badly!!!!!!!
GAAAAAH IT SUX TO BE ME SOMETIMES
This cannot bring me down grrr

I love my friends who actually stand by me… But I can only ask for so much from God. Can’t be selfish and keep God to myself. Can’t just love those who love me, I should love those who are yet to love me. Love is really and action, not an emotion. God has been speaking to me about that very much theses days… Praise Him for that!!! *eliminates selfishness*

Ok I really gotta keep my chin up and study!!!!!
XOXO

title-less counts as a title

Lord, You see the depths of my heart
and You love me the same
You are amazing, God!

Nothing much to say today! I should really update more often and yes, I’m trying with great effort! Hmmm I’ve got say 5 minutes on the computer and instead of going on msn/facebook I come on wordpress to update you guys on my life! Woohoo *pats self on the back* Esther is your champion, just admit it!!! naooooo

my weekends flew by so quickly I’m hardly in the school mood. Suckssss keep telling myself I gotta embrace but I guess nawt sigh miss the holidays I hope I’ll retire soon (about…. just 40 years’ time? yay)

CAN’T WAIT FOR THE NEXT WEEKENDS TO COME!!! Oh my gosh I’m going to parties every weekend. Baaaad girl I am. Especially since it’s term 4 and exams are coming up. Please stress me more, the adrenaline isn’t coming at all. gah I really wish I could concentrate more but it’s ok after all my parties I will concentrate *beam*

moving house soon! my mum needs to get the floor and carpets sorted out though. might take some time. hope to move in the next 2 weeks or so. I promised mum after moving I wouldn’t engage in so much church and social activities… afterall, VCE’s coming. so I guess it was a reasonable deal for my future’s sake. I.must.be.more.disciplined!!! well well at least I finished up my forensics assignment in the end heh

gtg now lurblurv
xxx